Spiritual Bypassing: When “Love & Light” Turns into Avoidance & Tight Pants

Let me be blunt: I’ve spent three decades swimming in the deep end of energy work—breath, frequencies, dimensional healing, soul maps, nervous system rewiring. I’ve seen a lot. I’ve felt a lot, and yes, I’ve seen enough “love and light” memes to last me several lifetimes.

Here’s what I’ve learned: Spiritual bypassing is real, rampant, and often wearing the mask of enlightenment while quietly stuffing a suitcase full of unresolved pain.

If you’ve ever found yourself chanting, meditating, manifesting, or “just thinking positive thoughts” as a way to avoid dealing with the emotional grit of life—welcome. You may be bypassing. No shame. Most of us have done it (me included, in my earlier years before I learned better). It’s a human default to want the easy, fluffy path.

Yet, here’s the thing: Bypassing doesn’t heal. It hides. It’s like putting a fancy wallpaper over moldy drywall—it looks good on Instagram, while it’s rotting underneath.

What is Spiritual Bypassing, Really?

Spiritual bypassing is the act of using spiritual beliefs or practices to avoid facing uncomfortable emotions, unresolved wounds, or real-life responsibilities. It’s when we grab our sage stick, our favorite high-vibe playlist, and say, “It’s fine, I’m good, It is what it is, I’ll just align my chakras and think happy thoughts,” instead of facing that gut-wrenching conversation with our partner, or actually feeling the anger we’ve been stuffing since age 9.

Think of it like this:

• Spiritual bypassing is like trying to “positive affirm” your way out of grief when what your soul really needs is to scream into a pillow and snot-cry for 20 minutes.

• It’s when you tell yourself, “Everything happens for a reason” (which is true on some level) however not when you say it so fast and so often that you never stop to ask, “Okay, but what’s MY reason for feeling this right now?”

The Funniest (and Saddest) Bypassing I’ve Seen

I’ve been an energy practitioner for decades. I’ve worked with people from all walks of life—spiritual leaders, CEOs, parents, holistic doctors and healers who should know better (and often do), and even those who swore they were “too enlightened” to feel anger. (Spoiler alert: they weren’t.)

I’ve seen people try to bypass their way through heartbreak by binge-manifesting new lovers who… surprise! Mirror the exact same wound.I’ve seen people meditate for hours to avoid making a simple phone call to their mom because “she’s just not vibing high enough for me right now.”I’ve seen people drown themselves in light language, reiki, and sound baths—beautiful tools, by the way—while never actually processing their grief, rage, or childhood wounds.

I get it, I really get it. Facing the messy, human stuff is uncomfortable. It’s much easier to “vibe high” and pretend the lower frequencies don’t exist. The real deal is: true spiritual growth isn’t about escaping the human experience. It’s about integrating it.

Why We All Do It

There’s a reason spiritual bypassing is so tempting. Real emotional work? It’s not always Instagram-worthy.Healing isn’t all rose petals and quartz crystals—it’s sweat, snot, and sometimes feeling like you’re losing your ever lovin’ mind before you find your truth.

We’re taught from a young age that “negative” emotions are bad. We learn to swallow our anger, hide our grief, and paste a smile on our face. So when we stumble upon spirituality, it can feel like a get-out-of-jail-free card: “If I just meditate enough, chant enough, visualize enough, I won’t have to feel this old stuff.”

There lays the twist; the old stuff doesn’t just go away. It hides. It festers. It quietly leaks into your relationships, your health, your career, and your sense of self. Spiritual bypassing isn’t just avoidance—it’s like putting a lid on a boiling pot and hoping it won’t overflow. It will.

The Subtle Signs You’re Bypassing

If you’re wondering, “Am I doing this?” here are some telltale signs:

1. You constantly “positive-think” instead of feeling: You leap to affirmations without letting yourself process pain.

2. You use spirituality as an escape hatch: You meditate, chant, or “raise your vibration” to avoid facing real-world problems.

3. You judge others for being “too negative”: If you find yourself dismissing someone’s pain with “they just need to raise their frequency,” you might be bypassing.

4. You deny your own anger or grief: You convince yourself you’ve “transcended” emotions that are actually just buried deep.

5. You’re addicted to the next spiritual high: Chasing ceremonies, retreats, or healers without ever integrating the lessons.

What I See as a Nervous System Intuitive 🜄🜃 🜁 🜂 🜀

One of my gifts—one I’ve honed through decades of energetic and nervous system work—is seeing authenticity. It’s not that I judge anyone for bypassing (we all have our moments); it’s that I can sense when someone is wearing the “high-vibe” mask while their nervous system is screaming for regulation.

I see the micro-twitch in the jaw when someone says, “I’m totally fine.”I feel the field tighten when someone’s “light and love” mantra is really covering a deep pool of unprocessed grief, and believe when I say I can very very clearly see the exhaustion—because bypassing is exhausting. Holding up a facade of constant positivity is like holding your breath while smiling. You can do it for a while, eventually, your body calls you out and most of the time not in a very kind way. 

So What Can You Really Do About It?

Okay, let’s get practical (and a little bit funny, because humor heals). If you want to stop bypassing and start truly healing, here’s your roadmap:

1. Feel It to Heal It (Yes, Even the Ugly Stuff)

You can’t out-mantra your feelings. You can’t out-vibrate your human experience.When something arises—anger, grief, shame—pause. Let yourself actually feel it.

Here’s my own rule of thumb:

• If I feel a wave of emotion, I give myself at least 90 seconds to fully feel it. (Most emotions, when felt, peak and pass in under 2 minutes. It’s when we resist them that they stick around.)

2. Get Your Nervous System on Board

Your nervous system holds the score—of trauma, of stress, of joy.Bypassing often happens when we try to spiritually “float” above our body instead of listening to it.Start small:

• Put your hand on your heart or belly and notice your breath.

• Do a gentle hum or sigh to signal safety to your vagus nerve.

• Walk barefoot in the grass or dirt (yes, “earthing” is free therapy).

3. Trade ‘Love and Light’ for ‘Truth and Integrity’

Instead of always reaching for “love and light,” try reaching for truth. Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can say is, “I am not okay right now, yet I’m here for myself.” Authenticity will heal you faster than any bypassing ever could.

4. Ask Yourself This Question:

“Am I trying to transcend this… or integrate it?”True spiritual growth is integration. It’s looking at your shadow and saying, “You belong, too.”

5. Get Humble Help

You don’t have to do this alone. This is where I come in—not as some guru,  as someone who can see your authentic self hiding underneath all the spiritual fluff. My work isn’t about tearing you down; it’s about boldly pointing you back to the path you’re truly meant to walk. A path where your nervous system is safe, your emotions are honored, and your soul actually breathes.

The Repath (Not the Bypass)

When I guide people through this work, I offer something I call a “repath.” It’s not about shaming anyone for bypassing (because again, we all do it). It’s about helping you pivot from avoidance to alignment.

• Instead of denying anger, we explore what it’s trying to teach.

• Instead of hiding grief under mantras, we let it express through breath, sound, or movement.

• Instead of chasing the next high-vibe fix, we build nervous system sovereignty—so you’re not constantly knocked over by life’s waves.

It’s not always pretty. It’s rarely instant. However, it’s real. When you start walking the repath, your whole field shifts. Your relationships deepen. Your body stops bracing. Your energy stops leaking into the performance of being “enlightened” and starts rooting into your true power.

A Word on Authenticity ( Why I Care So Much)

One of my non-negotiables—both in my own life and in the work I do—is authenticity. I’ve learned that when we bypass, we’re not just avoiding our pain; we’re also cutting ourselves off from our deepest joy and connection.

Because here’s the paradox: When you allow yourself to feel the dark, you expand your capacity to feel the light.

I can see when someone’s authenticity is buried under layers of spiritual performance. I can sense when their nervous system is bracing while their words say, “I’m fine.” I can lovingly, boldly, and humorously call it out. Why? Because I’ve been there.  I know the freedom on the other side, it’s lovely. 

The Humble Truth About My Own Journey (most who know me have heard me say many times “I am a little peace, love & light and a whole lot of go check yourself”

I don’t sit here writing this as someone who’s never bypassed. Oh, I have. I’ve tried to out-meditate heartbreak. I’ve whispered affirmations while ignoring my own exhaustion. I’ve even done the classic “Oh, I don’t need to feel sadness, I’ve transcended that” dance. 

Yet life (and my guides) called me out. My body called me out, and once I stopped bypassing, I realized:

• My nervous system held the key to my safety and power.

• My authenticity—raw, messy, beautiful—was my real “high vibration.”

• Bypassing was costing me my own depth.

The Bottom Line

Spiritual bypassing is not the enemy; it’s just a detour. It’s a detour that can keep you circling the same patterns, the same relationships, the same internal chaos.

The real path is not always glamorous. It’s not always pretty.

Yet, it’s real and when you choose to face your pain, to integrate your shadow, and to regulate your nervous system—you stop spinning in avoidance. You start walking with your soul.

Ready to Stop Bypassing?

If you’re reading this and feeling a little called out… good. That’s your soul saying,

“We’re ready for the real work now.” you got it, I’m here for that. I’m here for you—for your messy, powerful, luminous self.

Here’s My Invitation

Next time you feel the urge to spiritually bypass, stop.Take a breath.Feel what’s under the surface.

You don’t need another layer of “love and light” wallpaper over your soul. You need a repath—a way to walk through the storm and come out stronger, clearer, and freer.

This is my work. This is my calling. This is my joy. I thrive in seeing your authenticity, calling out the patterns that keep you stuck, and guiding you—gently but firmly—back home to your nervous system, your power, and your real magic.

Trust me, you’re not broken. You’re just ready to come home to yourself. Snot cries and all.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Oh, dang, she’s calling me out right now,” good. That’s your soul nodding.

DM me for realz—I got you and below I’ve provided some freebies to get started. Let’s ditch the bypass, laugh at the mess, and do the deep, beautiful work together. 

🜄🜃 🜁 🜂 🜀

Dragon-Coded Journal Prompts to Break the Bypass

These prompts are designed to cut through the fluff and get you back into your body, your truth, and your authentic self. No sugarcoating. No bypassing. Just real alignment.

1. “Where am I saying ‘I’m fine’ when I’m actually not?”

   
   

   (Notice the places you’re using spiritual tools to avoid rather than heal.)

2. “What emotion am I most afraid to feel, and what do I believe would happen if I fully let myself feel it?”

   
   

   (Hint: Your nervous system is strong enough to hold it.)

3. “Where am I performing ‘high vibes’ for others instead of living my truth?”

   
   

   (Is it on social media? In your relationships? Be honest.)

4. “If my body could talk right now, what would it say?”

   
   

   (Listen. Your nervous system will never lie to you.)

5. “What would it look like for me to integrate this moment instead of escaping it?”

   
   

   (Describe one small, grounded step you can take today.)

🜄🜃 🜁 🜂 🜀

3 Bold “Stop Bypassing Now” Practices

Let’s get real: it’s not enough to just talk about not bypassing—you need tools that drop you back into your body right now. Here are three that I swear by (and use myself):

1. The Breath-Hum Reset

When you feel yourself spiraling into “love and light” escape mode or endless overthinking, do this:

• Step 1: Inhale slowly through your nose for 4 counts.

• Step 2: On the exhale, hum like a low-purring dragon (think “mmmmm” in your chest).

• Step 3: Repeat 5 times, letting the hum vibrate your sternum and soften your jaw.

This tones your vagus nerve, calms your system, and drops you out of bypass into presence—fast.

2. The Dragon Stance Grounder

Sometimes we’re so “up and out” of our body that we forget we even have legs. This stance brings you back down:

• Step 1: Stand with your feet wider than hip-width, knees soft, hands on thighs.

• Step 2: Imagine dragon fire coiling from your feet up to your hips (bonus: exhale with a soft “haaaa” sound).

• Step 3: Feel the weight of your body. Own your ground.

  
  

  Hold for 1–2 minutes. Your nervous system will thank you.

3. The Truth Tap

If you’re unsure whether you’re being authentic or bypassing, your body can answer in seconds:

• Step 1: Place one hand on your sternum and gently tap with your fingertips.

• Step 2: Ask yourself, “What is the truth I don’t want to admit right now?”

• Step 3: Keep tapping and let the first raw, unfiltered answer rise.

It’s simple but powerful. The tap interrupts mental loops and lets truth bubble up without judgment.

Real Talk Before You Go

Bypassing might feel safe in the moment, but it’s a band-aid on a wound that’s asking for real healing. These practices? They’re not fluffy. They’ll get you in your body, in your breath, and in your truth.

If you need someone who can see past the masks and guide you with both humor and deep compassion, shoot me a message. 

We’ll laugh at the mess, cry when we need to, and repath you toward nervous system sovereignty and true energetic liberation. That’s the work. That’s the magic. And honestly? It’s way better than pretending everything is “fine.”

🜄🜃 🜁 🜂 🜀

It takes strength and courage to sit with yourself and calm the chaos long enough to her yourself speak -Angela L. Holmes

Written by Angela L Holmes | Nervous System Intuitive™, Spiritual Energy Alchemist